Childhood Innocence

A first grade teacher had twenty-five students in her class and she presented each child in her class the first half of a well known proverb and asked them to come up with the remainder of the proverb. It's hard to believe these were actually done by first graders. Their insight may surprise you.

While reading these keep in mind that these are first graders, 6 year olds; specially the last question, it's a classic!

1. Don't change horses.......until they stop running.

2. Strike while the.............................bug is close.

3. Its always darkest before......Daylight Saving Time.

4. Never underestimate the power of............termites.

5. You can lead a horse to water but........how?

6. Don't bite the hand that.................looks dirty.

7. No news is..........................................impossible.

8. A miss is as good as a............Mr.

9. You can't teach an old dog new ............... math.

10. If you lie down with dogs, you'll..............stink in the morning.

11. Love all, trust..............me.

12. The pen is mightier than the................... pigs.

13. An idle mind is.............the best way to relax.

14. Where there's smoke there's .................pollution.

15. Happy is the bride who............gets all the presents.

16. A penny saved is ......................not much.

17. Two's company, three's ..............the Musketeers.

18. Don't put off till tomorrow what ..........you put on at bedtime.

19. Laugh and the whole world laughs with you, cry and...........you have to blow your nose.

20. There are none so blind as ............Stevie Wonder.

21. Children should be seen and not ...............spanked or grounded.

22. If at first you don't succeed.........get new batteries.

23. You get out of something only what you.......see in the picture on the box.

24. When the blind lead the blind....run & get out of the way.

And the WINNER and last but not the least. . . .

25. Better late than.............pregnant.

Three Parrots

A man wanted to buy his son a parrot as a birthday present. The next day he went to the pet shop and saw three identical parrots in a cage.

He asked the clerk, "how much for the parrot on the right? The owner said it was $250. "$250", the man said. "Well what does he do?

"He knows how to use all of the functions of Microsoft Office 2000, responds the clerk. "He can do all of your spreadsheets and type all of your letters."

The man then asked what the second parrot cost. The clerk replied, $500, but he not only knows Office 2000, but is an expert computer programmer.

Finally, the man inquired about the cost of the last parrot. The clerk replied, "$1,000." Curious as to how a bird can cost $1,000, the man asked what this bird's specialty was.

The clerk replies, "Well to be honest I haven't seen him do anything. But the other two call him "Team Leader / Boss"!!

Source: Via Email

Womens Liberation Jokes

Thought # 1

Everyone in the wedding ceremony was watching the radiant bride as her father escorted her down the aisle to give away to groom.

They reached the altar and the waiting groom; the bride kissed her father and placed some thing in his hand. Everyone in the room was wondering what was given to the father by bride.

The father could feel the suspense in the air and all eyes were on him to divulge the secret and say something.

So he announced "Ladies and Gentlemen today is the luckiest day of my life." Then he raises his hands with what his daughter gave him and continued, "My daughter finally, finally returned my credit card to me."

The whole audience including priest started laughing but not the poor groom.

Thought # 2

A Man was walking down a street when he heard a voice from behind, "If you take one more step, a brick will fall down on your head and kill you."

The man stopped and a big brick fell right in front of him. The man was astonished.

He went on, and after a while he was going to cross the road.

Once again the voice shouted, "Stop! Stand still! If you take one more step a car will run over you, and you will die."

The man did as he was instructed, just as a car came careening around the corner, barely missing him.

The man asked. "Who are you?"

"I am your guardian angel," the voice answered.

"Oh, yeah?" the man asked "And where the hell were you when I got married?"

Thought # 3

When we are born, our mother's get the compliments and the flowers.

When we are married, our brides get the presents and the publicity.

When we die, our widows get the life insurance. What do women want to be liberated from?

Award Winning Joke...Good One!

A Chinese walks into a bar in America late one night and he saw Steven Spielberg. As he was a great fan of his movies, he rushes over to him, and asks for his autograph. Instead, Spielberg gives him a slap and says, "You Chinese people bombed our Pearl Habour, get outta here.” The astonished Chinese man replied, "It was not the Chinese who bombed your Pearl Harbour, it was the Japanese". "Chinese, Japanese, Taiwanese, you're all the same," replied Spielberg. In return, the Chinese gives Spielberg a slap and says, "You sank the Titanic, my forefathers were on that ship.” Shocked; Spielberg replies, "It was the iceberg that sank the ship, not me." The Chinese replies, "Iceberg, Spielberg, Carlsberg, you're all the same."

This particular joke won an award for the best joke in a competition organized in Britain.

High Tech Man!

A man walks into a bar and sits down right across from the bartender. The bartender sees the man poking at his hand and putting it next to his ear, and asks him, "What are you doing?

The man replies, "Oh, it's the newest technology -- I have a phone built right into my hand." The man puts his hand next to the bartender's ear and, sure enough, the bartender hears a dial tone.

After a few drinks, the man goes into the bathroom. The bartender notices that he has been gone for almost a half-hour. Concerned, he goes into the bathroom to check it out. When he walks in, he sees the man with his hands on the wall standing with his legs apart and pants down. He has the end of a roll of paper towels shoved up his butt. Shocked, the bartender yells, "What are you doing?!"

The man groans and replies, "I'm waiting for a fax."

Dubai Metro - Highlights of the Project

Dubai Metro work is on in full swing and I am excited. The metro will change the face of Dubai.

It’s nice to see the progress everyday as I walk to my office. Work has started at various locations. Excavation work is going round the clock. Many are complaining that metro work disturbs their night sleep. Even I hear noises on the Deira Rigga road where I reside. This is after all a small trade off for what Dubai will offer by September 2009. One of the hallmarks of a developed city is a metro system. The most advanced cities of the world have their own railway network. The population of Dubai slated to hit the 3 million mark by 2017 (currently around 1.4 million, 2005 estimate). Going by the speed at which projects are executed I see the Red Line of the metro going operational by September 2009 as promised by the government.

Here are some specs of Dubai Metro:

• It’s a $4.25 billion project
• Capacity of each train will be 897 people.
• Total number of trains will be 87 (62 for the Red Line & 25 for the Green Line).
• Trains will be manufactured in Japan.
• Each train will have 5 compartments.
• Each compartment will include CCTV; special needs people requirement, signage system and metro route map.
• Each train will have 3 classes: Golden Class, Women & children Class & the Silver Class.
• Each compartment will be 18 meters in length.
• Price of each train will be AED 500 Million ($136 million each).
• Parking lots will be reserved for metro users.